I have been off this week on vacation, and how did I spend my vacation you ask? I spent the week watching music venues that my friends were attending in Key West Fl. There was this event down there called Meeting Of The Minds (MOTM for short). Many of my friends went down there for this event. One of the main things that goes on during this time is that a lot of musicians that play in the musical sub-genre called Trop Rock, will pack the town with concerts. Some the places where these musicians perform, put the concerts on web cam where you can watch them for free. Watching these free concerts is how I spent my vacation. So this week, I have been on the outside looking inside all week.
If I reduced the story of my life into one catch phrase it would be "Outside looking inside". Whenever I have been in group situations, this tends to be the case. People tend want to be around me only until someone "cooler" comes along. From the time that I was a kid, this has been the case. Even my date life could be described that way as most of the girls that I dated in High School would go out with me (usually only once) and then find that someone who was a better match (one or two are still married to those guys even after all these years and I think that is great). It makes no difference what venue that I am in, whether it is work, church, family or whatever it tends to play out this way and I find that I spend my time looking at couples and small groups and wonder if they are doing as well as it appears to me that they are.
Now I am not complaining. Life has been this way for so long, that I have problems being on the inside in group situations. I just don't know how to conduct myself and so I usually do or say something that will put people off. Although I really do enjoy it the times people go out of their way to make sure that I am included.
The problem with this type of life is that you spend your life being disconnected. I believe that loving relationships is what makes a life complete and you don't get that when you live outside looking inside. I find myself being like Casper the ghost at times as I look for people who will be my friend. Other times I tend to feel like the Beast in "Beauty and The Beast" as I feel like people will take one look at me and decide that they do not want to associate with me.
These are not good places to be. The irony of this blog is that I feel like I have found a few people who want to be friends with me at this time and that makes all the difference in the world. And by the way, as I type this blog, I have a concert from Koz's Green World Gallery on in another window and now back to the music.