What is marriage if is not enjoying each other's company?
What is marriage if it is not sharing thoughts with each other?
What is marriage if it is not being totally honest with each other?
What is marriage if it is not being a safe place for the each other?
What is marriage if there is never any touching, hand holding, or hugging?
What is marriage if there is never any intimacy?
Is it really marriage when it is just two people sharing a house, bank account and bills?
Just questions to ponder.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
A safe place - Friends
There are times that I still miss my grandparents - Papa and Dodo. One of things that I really miss, is that I could always go there when I felt overwhelmed, and just being there with them just seemed to make it better. I did not even have to talk about what was overwhelming me. There was just something about being in their presence that would calm my feelings and hope would replace the hopelessness that had dwelt within me.
This was something that my Aunt Dot noticed. She once told me before she passed away that she knew that the biggest thing that I lost with the death of my grandparents was that I could no longer go there to feel safe. There are some relationships that will do that for a person, but ever since then, those types of relationships for me, have been few and far between.
That brings me to this morning. This morning I felt like I had been hit from several things at one time. I was overwhelmed with emotion. Now to be honest, I have a lot of friends out there who are going through "worst"things, but that still does not changed the way that I was overwhelmed.
Now while being overwhelmed, I also was gathering with friends to celebrate the "birthday" of the LSPHC during the afternoon. Now this event was in Grapevine, so I had about a hour's worth of driving to get my emotions in check. So, I spent the drive in thought, meditation, prayer, and I really got into music. I put my Ipod on shuffle and just let it randomly pick from the 847 songs that I have programed on it. Every song that came up spoke to what I was going through. By the time that I got to the event, I had calmed down a lot.
Now no one there knew what I was going through and I doubt if any of them even realized that something was wrong with me. I did not share any of this with them, because I did not feel the need to do so. But, an amazing thing still took place. Just being around this group of friends, I felt better. By the end of the afternoon, I felt a 100% better. My soul received a strengthening and calming like it did when visiting my grandparents as a kid. By the time that I got home this evening, I was a different person than one who had left a few hours before. It is amazing what friendships can do for a person.
This was something that my Aunt Dot noticed. She once told me before she passed away that she knew that the biggest thing that I lost with the death of my grandparents was that I could no longer go there to feel safe. There are some relationships that will do that for a person, but ever since then, those types of relationships for me, have been few and far between.
That brings me to this morning. This morning I felt like I had been hit from several things at one time. I was overwhelmed with emotion. Now to be honest, I have a lot of friends out there who are going through "worst"things, but that still does not changed the way that I was overwhelmed.
Now while being overwhelmed, I also was gathering with friends to celebrate the "birthday" of the LSPHC during the afternoon. Now this event was in Grapevine, so I had about a hour's worth of driving to get my emotions in check. So, I spent the drive in thought, meditation, prayer, and I really got into music. I put my Ipod on shuffle and just let it randomly pick from the 847 songs that I have programed on it. Every song that came up spoke to what I was going through. By the time that I got to the event, I had calmed down a lot.
Now no one there knew what I was going through and I doubt if any of them even realized that something was wrong with me. I did not share any of this with them, because I did not feel the need to do so. But, an amazing thing still took place. Just being around this group of friends, I felt better. By the end of the afternoon, I felt a 100% better. My soul received a strengthening and calming like it did when visiting my grandparents as a kid. By the time that I got home this evening, I was a different person than one who had left a few hours before. It is amazing what friendships can do for a person.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
When home becomes a prison.
It seems to me that for home life to flourish, then everyone who lives there must be able to enjoy being there. I'm not saying that everything will be enjoyable to everyone at all times, but everyone there must have something there that they can enjoy. From what I have seen and experienced, I have concluded that when people are prevented from all enjoyment at home, they start seeking to find it elsewhere.
Enjoyment can have many forms. It can be creating a garden paradise to relax, meditate, and recharge in. It can be listening to music, watching tv, reading or some athletic activity. Anything or anyplace to personally recharge.
Along with personal enjoyment there should be a communal enjoyment also. I believe that there also needs to be a connection with others in the household. A home that has the residents living separate lives is not really a home. A couple that doesn't have a connection and common enjoyment, will start looking for fulfillment elsewhere away from each other. Home life becomes a prison that the soul yearns to escape from.
It seems to me that home really becomes a home when everyone there desires it to be and then pursues it through love, grace, forgiveness, & long suffering.
Enjoyment can have many forms. It can be creating a garden paradise to relax, meditate, and recharge in. It can be listening to music, watching tv, reading or some athletic activity. Anything or anyplace to personally recharge.
Along with personal enjoyment there should be a communal enjoyment also. I believe that there also needs to be a connection with others in the household. A home that has the residents living separate lives is not really a home. A couple that doesn't have a connection and common enjoyment, will start looking for fulfillment elsewhere away from each other. Home life becomes a prison that the soul yearns to escape from.
It seems to me that home really becomes a home when everyone there desires it to be and then pursues it through love, grace, forgiveness, & long suffering.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Hugo Duarte and A1A
I just recently had a weekend so awesome that I am still feeling the effects of it a week later. When I go through something like that, I want to try and put words down to describe it. If I am somewhat successful, then this will be a type of monument to bring back the memories of that weekend.
It starts on Saturday, July 13, 2013, after an Alumni Lunch (which is always special itself). After I left the luncheon, I went straight to The Dallas Zoo for their Safari Nights Concert Series. Jeff Pike and A1A was performing that night. I met some friends from The Lone Star Parrot Head Club plus a couple of others, who were already there. We went to a couple of exhibits before heading to the concert area to make sure that we were front and center for the concert.
Now one thing that you might need to know is that Hugo and Jeff are both friends and a couple of my favorite musicians. That Saturday I was surrounded by friends who know me and liked me anyway, and they made sure that I knew that I was a part of the group. You see, I have spent most of my life being an outcast when it comes to being with a group of my peers, and even though I should know better, I still have this expectation that when people know me, I will be excluded. This evening my friends made sure that this did not happen.
Every-time that I have seen Hugo or Jeff, I have always felt like they were very happy to see me. They are this way for everyone that they know. It is a great part of their personality. That weekend was no different. Jeff even introduced us to a friend who had came up from Houston. She is now a friend of mine as well. That is always great also. It seems every time that Hugo and Jeff come around, I make new friends and that also made that weekend great.
Now the A1A concert was a great concert. Music was so good, that people started dancing without a dance floor anywhere around them. I did not want to leave that place that night. In fact I didn't leave until they turned off the lights in the park.
Now Sunday the 14 was a house concert with Hugo. Now to be fair, Brian Burns and Don Burke were there and played also. They were great also and I really like them, but Hugo was the Headliner in my book. I was surrounded by the same friends that I had met at the Zoo a few hours before plus several more. They were still friends too. :) Now the week that led up to these concerts was a week of roller-coaster emotions. They had every right to be very emotional and distraught, and even though they were a bit more subdued than normal, they seemed to be ready for some music to soothe the soul like only music can.
The concert was still going strong when I left, but it had been one of the best weekends that I had had in a long time. For the first time in a very long time my smile came back. I had forgotten that I could even smile like that. I mean I smiled and laughed and had a great time.
Now I do not know what will happen in the future, but for one weekend, I could and did smile and smiled a lot. That makes for a great experience.
It starts on Saturday, July 13, 2013, after an Alumni Lunch (which is always special itself). After I left the luncheon, I went straight to The Dallas Zoo for their Safari Nights Concert Series. Jeff Pike and A1A was performing that night. I met some friends from The Lone Star Parrot Head Club plus a couple of others, who were already there. We went to a couple of exhibits before heading to the concert area to make sure that we were front and center for the concert.
Now one thing that you might need to know is that Hugo and Jeff are both friends and a couple of my favorite musicians. That Saturday I was surrounded by friends who know me and liked me anyway, and they made sure that I knew that I was a part of the group. You see, I have spent most of my life being an outcast when it comes to being with a group of my peers, and even though I should know better, I still have this expectation that when people know me, I will be excluded. This evening my friends made sure that this did not happen.
Every-time that I have seen Hugo or Jeff, I have always felt like they were very happy to see me. They are this way for everyone that they know. It is a great part of their personality. That weekend was no different. Jeff even introduced us to a friend who had came up from Houston. She is now a friend of mine as well. That is always great also. It seems every time that Hugo and Jeff come around, I make new friends and that also made that weekend great.
Now the A1A concert was a great concert. Music was so good, that people started dancing without a dance floor anywhere around them. I did not want to leave that place that night. In fact I didn't leave until they turned off the lights in the park.
Now Sunday the 14 was a house concert with Hugo. Now to be fair, Brian Burns and Don Burke were there and played also. They were great also and I really like them, but Hugo was the Headliner in my book. I was surrounded by the same friends that I had met at the Zoo a few hours before plus several more. They were still friends too. :) Now the week that led up to these concerts was a week of roller-coaster emotions. They had every right to be very emotional and distraught, and even though they were a bit more subdued than normal, they seemed to be ready for some music to soothe the soul like only music can.
The concert was still going strong when I left, but it had been one of the best weekends that I had had in a long time. For the first time in a very long time my smile came back. I had forgotten that I could even smile like that. I mean I smiled and laughed and had a great time.
Now I do not know what will happen in the future, but for one weekend, I could and did smile and smiled a lot. That makes for a great experience.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
A Hero
Lleweyn Swint was a true "Jekyll & Hyde" person. I have been told that he would give the shirt off his back to help someone in need before he drank the elixir that would forever change him. He was also a Chemist of sorts, a type of Scientist, whose lab was not in some back room but out in the woods, what most people call a still.
You see Lleweyn's expertise was in making moonshine. Although he may have been good at it, what gave others pleasure, proved to be the elixir that would turn him into "Mr. Hyde". He became a very violent abusive alcoholic. This was the legacy of my grandfather, the father of my Dad.
My Dad left this lifestyle and married at age 20 and at the age of 21 on Father's Day 1957 - became a father himself. He came into the roles of both marriage and parenthood, with very little if any positive role models. The Pastor of the church that married my parents would run the whole family off from the congregation because the Pastor did not think that my Dad was good enough and that anything coming from that marriage would not be fit for God to use. (Papa, my Mom's dad saw my Dad differently because he himself grew up in an abusive home, but that is another story).
There is a Bible verse that talks about the consequences of a man's wrong doing would be handed down for 4 or 5 generations. I understand that very well, but I do not see that as a negative. I see it as a positive. For you see, my Dad made a decision back when I was born, that he would be a different father to me and my siblings than his father was to him, and to me that makes him a hero.
Don't get me wrong my Dad made a lot of wrong decisions and actions towards me, but that never changed the way that I respected and looked up to him because of what he tried to do. That love and respect that I had for him has made it possible for me to forgive him of those shortcomings. It would also help me during some tough times in my life when I encountered some Seminary graduates that used their "counseling techniques" to find and exploit people in order to build up their following and ministry.
While these Seminary graduates exploited my family & turned them against me, they uncovered the strained relationship that I had with my father. They tried those same techniques with me, but I would not share with them anything that they could use against anyone else. They could not turn me against me Dad, because of the respect that I had for my Dad trying to be different from his father. They could not undo the forgiveness that I had already given him.
You see, my grandfather had a terrible relationship with my Dad, but my dad took steps to have a better relationship with me, and even though I have made many mistakes myself with the upbringing of my kids, my relationship with them while they were growing up was better than the one that I had with my dad. And it doesn't stop there, for I see in my oldest son that he has taken another step in the right direction with his child, and that has been a cause for happiness within my heart. All of these right steps are the result of my dad making first step toward change back over 56 years ago.
You see Lleweyn's expertise was in making moonshine. Although he may have been good at it, what gave others pleasure, proved to be the elixir that would turn him into "Mr. Hyde". He became a very violent abusive alcoholic. This was the legacy of my grandfather, the father of my Dad.
My Dad left this lifestyle and married at age 20 and at the age of 21 on Father's Day 1957 - became a father himself. He came into the roles of both marriage and parenthood, with very little if any positive role models. The Pastor of the church that married my parents would run the whole family off from the congregation because the Pastor did not think that my Dad was good enough and that anything coming from that marriage would not be fit for God to use. (Papa, my Mom's dad saw my Dad differently because he himself grew up in an abusive home, but that is another story).
There is a Bible verse that talks about the consequences of a man's wrong doing would be handed down for 4 or 5 generations. I understand that very well, but I do not see that as a negative. I see it as a positive. For you see, my Dad made a decision back when I was born, that he would be a different father to me and my siblings than his father was to him, and to me that makes him a hero.
Don't get me wrong my Dad made a lot of wrong decisions and actions towards me, but that never changed the way that I respected and looked up to him because of what he tried to do. That love and respect that I had for him has made it possible for me to forgive him of those shortcomings. It would also help me during some tough times in my life when I encountered some Seminary graduates that used their "counseling techniques" to find and exploit people in order to build up their following and ministry.
While these Seminary graduates exploited my family & turned them against me, they uncovered the strained relationship that I had with my father. They tried those same techniques with me, but I would not share with them anything that they could use against anyone else. They could not turn me against me Dad, because of the respect that I had for my Dad trying to be different from his father. They could not undo the forgiveness that I had already given him.
You see, my grandfather had a terrible relationship with my Dad, but my dad took steps to have a better relationship with me, and even though I have made many mistakes myself with the upbringing of my kids, my relationship with them while they were growing up was better than the one that I had with my dad. And it doesn't stop there, for I see in my oldest son that he has taken another step in the right direction with his child, and that has been a cause for happiness within my heart. All of these right steps are the result of my dad making first step toward change back over 56 years ago.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Church
This is a hard blog for me to write about because I don't know, if people can put aside their scars and walls so they understand what I'm saying. The word "church" will almost always send people into their own opinions where they can't understand or accept anything - other than someone repeating those same thoughts and opinions. Well, I feel in my heart that I need to try and tackle this anyway.
I spent the first 50 years of my life in active membership in Baptist churches. I was so involved in those churches that I was a teacher before I stopped being a teenager. I was ordained a Deacon when I turned 25. As a Deacon and "lay" minister, I was in a position to see behind the scenes as "leadership" led those churches. You could say that I saw the image that was projected out to people as well as who actually sat behind the curtains. As a result, I do not look up to anyone who is in a church leadership position.
When I left the last church that I attended, I left with their blessing as I sought to reach out to people who had no desire to be part of those churches and wouldn't be welcome if they did show up. People who were forced out of those fellowships have always had a special place in my heart. I have been treated the same way myself.
An interesting thing happened to me after I left the "traditional" church though. I discovered a closeness to God that I had not felt in several years. I had always known that God loved me but I had never experienced it like I started experiencing it. As I experienced love, I started to trust God to do His part. I gave up all of the manipulating sales pitches that church evangelism taught everyone to use. I didn't need to use them. God would lead and I would let the overflow of love that I had experienced onto them. I also did not need to coerce or manipulate people into behaving a certain way. God changes people, including me, from the inside out and anything that would try to do would only hamper God.
After all of that, I get to this point. What kind of "church", if any, would be attractive to me? It would not be a "traditional church". It would not have traditional church leadership positions.
It would be a small informal gathering of friends. All believers are connected to God the same way that Jesus was connected to God The Father as he walked upon this Earth. We have this connection through Jesus and His sacrifice of his body. So God would be the leader.
Our get togethers would be simply friends gathering together to encourage each other, and to love, and to spur that love forward revealing good works, that always comes from love.
To me, this is what the early believers did and this is where my heart is at.
I spent the first 50 years of my life in active membership in Baptist churches. I was so involved in those churches that I was a teacher before I stopped being a teenager. I was ordained a Deacon when I turned 25. As a Deacon and "lay" minister, I was in a position to see behind the scenes as "leadership" led those churches. You could say that I saw the image that was projected out to people as well as who actually sat behind the curtains. As a result, I do not look up to anyone who is in a church leadership position.
When I left the last church that I attended, I left with their blessing as I sought to reach out to people who had no desire to be part of those churches and wouldn't be welcome if they did show up. People who were forced out of those fellowships have always had a special place in my heart. I have been treated the same way myself.
An interesting thing happened to me after I left the "traditional" church though. I discovered a closeness to God that I had not felt in several years. I had always known that God loved me but I had never experienced it like I started experiencing it. As I experienced love, I started to trust God to do His part. I gave up all of the manipulating sales pitches that church evangelism taught everyone to use. I didn't need to use them. God would lead and I would let the overflow of love that I had experienced onto them. I also did not need to coerce or manipulate people into behaving a certain way. God changes people, including me, from the inside out and anything that would try to do would only hamper God.
After all of that, I get to this point. What kind of "church", if any, would be attractive to me? It would not be a "traditional church". It would not have traditional church leadership positions.
It would be a small informal gathering of friends. All believers are connected to God the same way that Jesus was connected to God The Father as he walked upon this Earth. We have this connection through Jesus and His sacrifice of his body. So God would be the leader.
Our get togethers would be simply friends gathering together to encourage each other, and to love, and to spur that love forward revealing good works, that always comes from love.
To me, this is what the early believers did and this is where my heart is at.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Easter beliefs
As I have said before, Easter was always a big letdown for me growing up. The day never lived up to the hype that surrounded it. Aside for a few songs like "Up From The Grave He Arose" that were only sung that time of year, nothing else was really different about the day from any other Sunday.
Over the past few years, that has started to change. Not that I plan to go to any special services, because I don't. What has changed is my viewpoint of Easter itself. This different viewpoint is one that stays with me throughout the year. This viewpoint is what Easter is all about.
My beliefs about what happened that day has not changed, but my thoughts about why has. You see, I no longer believe in a angry God who is looking to strike everyone down and used Good Friday just to take it out on His only begotten Son, who let Himself get tortured to death so we would not have too.
The why of Easter is that God so loved us that He caused these events to happened so that we could be cured from our sin problem that has separated us from God since the Garden, and has kept us separated just as a deadly disease will separate us from our love ones here on Earth. Not that our "sin" problem would affect God, but that His holiness would destroy us.
The physical healing's that Jesus performed were a picture of what his death and resurrection would/will accomplish. His death & resurrection heals all of the past scares and deformities caused by "sin" and transform us into new creatures as His Spirit would unite with our spirit/soul.
Since God is love, then His Spirit will fill us with a love like we have never known before. As His love fills us, it will flow out of us to others. As it flows out from us, people will know that we are followers of God by the way that we love.
To me, this is the Good news. God loved us and we can now have that same relationship with God The Father that Jesus had while He lived as a human among us. And when death comes to us,we will find ourselves with a God who seeks to comfort us like we would a hurt child or other loved one, but even more so.
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