Two questions

As I have gotten older, I have started asking questions about my life.  Here are a couple of them.  "What was the reason for the rules that I grew up under that made me a social retard in establishing relationships with girls as a teenager"  and "What was the reason that a church let a sexual predator thrive within a congregation with no consequence".  As I have thought about these questions, I am become convinced that the answer for both questions is the same one; religious rules and the 60's.

Due to the family history in both my Mom's and Dad's families, they found a safe and protective environment in a church that maintained a strict rules of conduct.  This happened in the 50's and everything was fine until the 60's came along with its counter culture movement.  The girls dresses got shorter and guy's hair got longer and so it seemed like everyone was into free sex and drugs.  This went against all the religious rules of the times.

 Some people  interpreted these acts as one and the same, so any girl wearing a shorter than usual dress or any guy with longer than usual hair must also be into free sex and drugs.  So what happens then when the lifestyle of the country changes to longer hair and shorter hemlines?  One way of dealing with that was to believe that everyone was into free sex and drugs.  So, anytime that I got caught talking to a girl at either school or church, I was made to spend an evening confined to my room. So I spent many evenings in my room.  I lived under this rule until my Dad lifted it on my 16th birthday.

As for the sexual predator, the same thing applied.  Since all girls coming to church started wearing shorter dresses, then anytime he attacked a girl, he was seen as the victim of the girls seductiveness.  So, this religious rule that was made to protect and promote spiritual growth was turned into a veil that covered his crimes and sins of perversion.So I am guessing that somewhere between 30 & 200 women and girls were assaulted and when any of them said anything they were blackballed out of the church.

This is what happens when churches promote codes and rules to live by instead of relationships.  Rules and codes just divide people as obeyers and breakers.  A relationship of love and grace will provide a space for people to learn and grow.  If this type of relationship had existed back then, the sexual predator would have been seen for what he really was and restrained and given the opportunity  to change as friends stood by him.  As for me, if I had been allowed to really have girls as friends, then that would have really helped when I turned 16 & was in High School trying to get dates.