The title for this blog is a line from the song, "Go To The Mirror, Boy!" from The Who's rock opera "Tommy". I could not get this line out of my head as I thought about what to write. So, I am starting with it.
I have had this problem with being touched and touching others. It is both - something that I need and something that can repulse me. I remember as a preschooler giving hugs and kisses, and then being taught that those behaviors were bad. Add to that having a pervert as an Uncle and not wanting to be seen like him and what you get is a mixed up kid.
When is giving hugs ok and when is it wrong? When is it ok to touch a shoulder with your hand or a pat someone on the back and when is it not? When is even giving a handshake ok and when is it not? Even though I am improving in this area, I still feel very awkward at times. This is one area where the Bible is not helpful, because it does not cover this subject. I have even seen Jesus portrayed both ways: As a man who avoided physical contact and as a man who loved touching and hugging. (I currently believe that this second portrayal is the right one.) Which one do you see as correct?
I have observed that when there is a gathering of people, some will be given lots of hugs and pats and hand shakes while other people will look like they have a force field around them preventing people coming within 3 feet of them. Why is it this way? From what I can tell, physical appearance does not play a big role in this area. So, I am left wondering why.
Has anyone else felt this way? Just wondering what you think.
I am a little more comfortable than I used to be, but I agree it is awkward, especially with males. With women I don't find it awkward, being a lout as I am. With males I am not too huggy.
ReplyDeleteSteve, I am that same way also. I do not find it awkward with females either, but with males my first reaction is usually a puzzled one. I find it a lot more comforting around males to do either some type of handshake, or what I call a blocker"s hug. You shake right hands and as you shake you bump right shoulders like football lineman and follow that with a pat of the left hand on the back as you shed them.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to college in southern Oregon I noticed people hugged more, maybe because it was a small town. Also it has a lot to do with family - mine wasn't demonstrative, whereas my daughter in law's family is more affectionate. So it varies a lot which means you don't know what any one person considers normal.
ReplyDeleteAs it is more akward for the males to hug males, it is also the same for me when hugging females. There are many females out there that it is just the way you say hi to someone.
ReplyDeleteWhether male or female, if I don't know you, I am not comfortable hugging you. But if I trust you, feel comfortable with you, enjoy your company, then I feel comfortable to share a very close space with you and feel your heart beat. Good hugs are a wonderful heart warming thing and is a special gift to share.