My life goals while I attended NMHS were as follows: Be a top football player, play on a championship team, play football at college on scholarship, go into coaching. I was so focused on those goals that I turned down an offer to go to Centenary College in La. on an academic scholarship plus grants to the extent that my college would have been payed for during my Junior year because they did not play football. Then during my Senior year, my dreams were shattered. There were no offers to play football anywhere. Neither were there anymore offers based on my academics. Coach Qualls told me that to go into coaching, I would need to be involved in football and if I went 4 years without football, then I would not be a serious coaching candidate anywhere. So, all of my dreams, all of my aspirations were smashed.
After High School, I did go to Eastfield Community College for 2+ years ( I have 90 hours there at that 2 year Junior College). But, I never developed interest in doing anything else and dropped out. It was during this time that I really felt like a loser.
It was during a Summer's day when a group of us from church went to Six Flags. While there, I noticed that the gossip that I had been hearing was true when I saw Cindy's name on the sign of performers for their show at the Southern Palace. So I went and spent the whole afternoon standing in line ( I stood in line for 3 shows and when I finally got to the door to get in to see a show, they had changed shows and performers So Cindy was not there, so I did not go in.). While standing in line, I received comments about my manhood (Southern Palace was thought of as a place that women wanted to hang out), people pointing out how many words that Cindy and I had said to each other during all 4 years of high school combined, and that Cindy would not only never know that I was there but she would not remember or speak to me if we should ever see each again.
What nobody understood was the change in direction that my mind had made that day. Even though all of my dreams had been shattered, I still could and would support and be happy for those who were still pursuing theirs. After that I was able to be happy anytime Gary Blair carried the ball for Baylor, or when the Pam's were shown on TV cheering for UT. The one thing that I was learning back then was that even though my dreams and aspirations could and would be broken, my reactions towards others still be one of love for them.
That would not be the last time that I went through something like that. I would later lose my Insurance Agency due to a company downsizing, and about 15 years ago some Seminary Graduates got involved with my family and friends and turned them all against me.
We can't control what happens to us, but if we have experienced how much God loves us, then we are able to respond with love for others no matter what happens to us.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My first dance
I guess that you could say that I had one thing on my bucket list that has now been crossed off. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to dance with a girl. But, growing up in an anti-dancing home and marrying a wife who did not want to dance put that dream on hold. So, I found myself a 54 year old man that had never danced.
When the subject of the Sock Hop came up, I was for it because I figured that I could blend in with the crowd and visit while those that wanted to dance did dance. Then the Sock Hop was canceled due to a lack of people sending in their money and the gathering at The River was substituted for that. I then became unsure of whether or not I really wanted to go. I do not drink and I can't dance, so I really did not know what I would be doing there.
Then at the dinner at BJ's after the Homecoming game on Friday, Cindy Herring Bates came up to me and told me that if I wanted to, that she would teach me a few steps and have a dance with me.
Now Cindy is an excellent dancer as she dances all the time. I remember after we graduated high school, she performed at the Southern Palace at Six Flags. I remember going there several times and standing in line for hours with Joe Ben, David, and Paul Williams just to be told that there were no seats left. I had no doubt that Cindy would go on to bigger things. She has done just that while remaining that same person that we knew in high school.
So after my wife encouraged me to get out of the house and go to the event, I went. The group of us were sitting there all together and listening to this band called MOJO Filter that I had never heard of before but really liked. After they got through with the first set, the juke box was turned on and Cindy leaned over to me and told me that if I was interested, we could either go to a back corner and practice a few steps or we could go straight out to the dance floor. I chose to go straight out to the dance floor. Cindy told me a couple of things (she kept it simple for me) and we got started.
She let me lead and matched her steps with mine as we went across the floor. I would guide us and when I got off beat, she would nudge me back into beat. There were times when she wanted us to try a couple things so I would move the upper part of my body as well as my feet. She could read what I wanted to do and she also could communicate without speaking what she wanted and I had a great time.
Today as I reflected on my first dance, I realized a couple of things. The first thing is what a great lesson this was for how a marriage should be. A couple that is in tune with one another going through life together. One would lead the direction but not be "the boss". The other would have input into what they were doing and together they would go through life committed to each other.
The other thing that I reflected on was something that I had always been taught. I was always told that dancing was wrong and that it would tear a marriage apart. I found that the dance not only did not do that, it even helped me today with the relationship with my wife. I did not feel imprisoned today. I found myself more happy with my marriage than I had been in a long time. Now nothing had changed with my wife or kids, but it had with me. I found myself more committed to my wife.
Now I really value Cindy's friendship (as I do others) but, I am still in love with my wife.
When the subject of the Sock Hop came up, I was for it because I figured that I could blend in with the crowd and visit while those that wanted to dance did dance. Then the Sock Hop was canceled due to a lack of people sending in their money and the gathering at The River was substituted for that. I then became unsure of whether or not I really wanted to go. I do not drink and I can't dance, so I really did not know what I would be doing there.
Then at the dinner at BJ's after the Homecoming game on Friday, Cindy Herring Bates came up to me and told me that if I wanted to, that she would teach me a few steps and have a dance with me.
Now Cindy is an excellent dancer as she dances all the time. I remember after we graduated high school, she performed at the Southern Palace at Six Flags. I remember going there several times and standing in line for hours with Joe Ben, David, and Paul Williams just to be told that there were no seats left. I had no doubt that Cindy would go on to bigger things. She has done just that while remaining that same person that we knew in high school.
So after my wife encouraged me to get out of the house and go to the event, I went. The group of us were sitting there all together and listening to this band called MOJO Filter that I had never heard of before but really liked. After they got through with the first set, the juke box was turned on and Cindy leaned over to me and told me that if I was interested, we could either go to a back corner and practice a few steps or we could go straight out to the dance floor. I chose to go straight out to the dance floor. Cindy told me a couple of things (she kept it simple for me) and we got started.
She let me lead and matched her steps with mine as we went across the floor. I would guide us and when I got off beat, she would nudge me back into beat. There were times when she wanted us to try a couple things so I would move the upper part of my body as well as my feet. She could read what I wanted to do and she also could communicate without speaking what she wanted and I had a great time.
Today as I reflected on my first dance, I realized a couple of things. The first thing is what a great lesson this was for how a marriage should be. A couple that is in tune with one another going through life together. One would lead the direction but not be "the boss". The other would have input into what they were doing and together they would go through life committed to each other.
The other thing that I reflected on was something that I had always been taught. I was always told that dancing was wrong and that it would tear a marriage apart. I found that the dance not only did not do that, it even helped me today with the relationship with my wife. I did not feel imprisoned today. I found myself more happy with my marriage than I had been in a long time. Now nothing had changed with my wife or kids, but it had with me. I found myself more committed to my wife.
Now I really value Cindy's friendship (as I do others) but, I am still in love with my wife.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Oranges
I went to grocery store yesterday and saw the prettiest display of oranges that I have ever remember seeing. They were stacked up on a display and were the prettiest color of orange that I have ever seen. The display had a light hanging down that gave them a special glow.
After seeing them I decided that I would buy some. Then as I would pick them up (one by one) and when they were out from under that light, I saw that they were not perfect. They had flaws. They had discolorations. Some were even bruised. I went ahead and bought some, but the experience started me to think.
We are in many ways like those oranges. We live in a society that demands perfection, so we go to great extremes to try to have that perfect look like the store gave to those oranges. The problem is that we are no more perfect than those oranges were.
So what happens when we are taken out of that light that is masking us, and our imperfections are revealed? How do we react when the imperfections of others are revealed? Can we accept that everybody has both good and bad within them? Or, do we discard them because they are no longer able to present themselves as being perfect? If we discard them then, what becomes of the rest of us who are really no more perfect than they are - but just have not been discovered yet?
I believe that this is where love and grace and mercy shines out. Mercy means that we do not discard them because of their faults. Grace enables us to focus on the good things that they bring to us. Love causes us to focus on them instead on where they have failed us.
Isn't this what God does when He enters our lives? Doesn't He show us mercy for our shortcomings? Doesn't He give us grace so we can be all that we were made to be? Doesn't His love focus on us rather than how we have failed Him?
I believe that true friendship and love can only be experienced as we come out from under that artificial and deceiving light so that we see each other as we really are.
By the way, those oranges that were not perfect, were still very delicious all the same and I could not have known this as long as they were in that artificial and deceiving light at the store. It is when I took them out and put them in the true light that I could enjoy them.
After seeing them I decided that I would buy some. Then as I would pick them up (one by one) and when they were out from under that light, I saw that they were not perfect. They had flaws. They had discolorations. Some were even bruised. I went ahead and bought some, but the experience started me to think.
We are in many ways like those oranges. We live in a society that demands perfection, so we go to great extremes to try to have that perfect look like the store gave to those oranges. The problem is that we are no more perfect than those oranges were.
So what happens when we are taken out of that light that is masking us, and our imperfections are revealed? How do we react when the imperfections of others are revealed? Can we accept that everybody has both good and bad within them? Or, do we discard them because they are no longer able to present themselves as being perfect? If we discard them then, what becomes of the rest of us who are really no more perfect than they are - but just have not been discovered yet?
I believe that this is where love and grace and mercy shines out. Mercy means that we do not discard them because of their faults. Grace enables us to focus on the good things that they bring to us. Love causes us to focus on them instead on where they have failed us.
Isn't this what God does when He enters our lives? Doesn't He show us mercy for our shortcomings? Doesn't He give us grace so we can be all that we were made to be? Doesn't His love focus on us rather than how we have failed Him?
I believe that true friendship and love can only be experienced as we come out from under that artificial and deceiving light so that we see each other as we really are.
By the way, those oranges that were not perfect, were still very delicious all the same and I could not have known this as long as they were in that artificial and deceiving light at the store. It is when I took them out and put them in the true light that I could enjoy them.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Love, Hate, & Apathy
I have heard most of my life that the opposite of love is hate and anger. I heard that from serval places: school, church, family, etc.. I no longer think that way. I now believe that hate and anger is a part of love. If you love something and that something is threatened, then what comes out is hate and anger.
So, hate and anger can show people what you truly love. If you see hate and anger coming from someone, you can look to see what is threatened and know what is the object that is loved. For instance, if I get upset because someone is a good dancer and I can't dance, then I am showing that I am loving myself and my status and popularity because my inability to dance like the other person threatens my status and popularity, and maybe my chance to get the girl ;-).
When we love the wrong things, then that is when our hate and anger cause bad results. When we love rightly, then our hate and anger will do the right thing. For instance, if I see someone attempting to harm my friends or family and I react with anger and hate towards the oppressor, then I am showing that I love my friends and family.
Part of my faith is that I believe that God is love. I also believe that we were created in God's image and that means that we were created to love also. Our shortcomings however causes us to not love rightly as God does. We were created to love rightly, plus those of us who have God living within us and we are living in His love - are being cured by God so we can show His love towards others.
I believe apathy on the other hand is the true opposite of love because it has no feelings. I also think that apathy is not a natural response that is within us, but is a learned response. Hurts, hardness of the heart, and other things put us in a position not to give a care.
So, hate and anger can show people what you truly love. If you see hate and anger coming from someone, you can look to see what is threatened and know what is the object that is loved. For instance, if I get upset because someone is a good dancer and I can't dance, then I am showing that I am loving myself and my status and popularity because my inability to dance like the other person threatens my status and popularity, and maybe my chance to get the girl ;-).
When we love the wrong things, then that is when our hate and anger cause bad results. When we love rightly, then our hate and anger will do the right thing. For instance, if I see someone attempting to harm my friends or family and I react with anger and hate towards the oppressor, then I am showing that I love my friends and family.
Part of my faith is that I believe that God is love. I also believe that we were created in God's image and that means that we were created to love also. Our shortcomings however causes us to not love rightly as God does. We were created to love rightly, plus those of us who have God living within us and we are living in His love - are being cured by God so we can show His love towards others.
I believe apathy on the other hand is the true opposite of love because it has no feelings. I also think that apathy is not a natural response that is within us, but is a learned response. Hurts, hardness of the heart, and other things put us in a position not to give a care.
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