It seems that I have spent most of my life feeling like I did not fit in. With the exception of my grandparents (Papa and Dodo), any feelings of fitting in have been short lived. That goes for family, school, friends, work and church.
I was born into a family that followed a strict set of religious rules and attitudes. These rules and attitudes were meant to cause people to "come out from among them and be separate". This is a very popular notion that has been proclaimed in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. The problem in following these rules are that no one ever measures up to them. So, I spent most of time not being around a lot of people my own age while growing up because of that.
This in turn caused me to be socially behind when I reached NMHS. It also put me into some positions where I was taken advantage of. Because I did not know how to relate to others (along with some other factors like my speech impediment), I ended up being a shy and quiet guy.
However there were some good things that came from this. From a very early age, I started trying to learn about what was right and wrong and I didn't stop there as I also wanted to know the why's behind those rules. This has been a life long process and I am not through yet, but as I have gone through this journey, my life has changed and is still changing.
These changes in what I believe have had one bad side effect though. As I have changed what I believe about things, I have come into areas where my new beliefs do not mesh with what others believe. There are areas where my beliefs do not agree with the status quo and traditional thoughts that have been passed down through Colleges and Seminaries.
So once again, I find myself being the round peg in the square hole as I feel the same way that I did earlier in life, but different also. It is different because my beliefs are grounded in something other than what someone told me to believe. That makes a world of difference.
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