Before I go on with this blog, I want to touch on a subject that no one talks about and that would be sexual abuse. I am not an expert and I do not have a degree in this area, but I am just making some observations about what I have seen and experienced. I have heard it said that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men have been sexually abused. I do not have any ideal if that is true or not, but it does point out how bad this problem has gotten. I do not really think that anyone knows a true number on this since most people who have suffered sexual abuse do not talk about it.
A person who has had this happen to them feels dirty with a dirt that will not wash off. This abuse destroys the essence of a person. The victim feels guilty about not preventing this from happening and feels like they did something wrong. So, they bury it the event into their sub conscience and try to forget that it ever happened.
This is when things seem to get worse, because it will somehow work itself out in other behaviors. A certain touch or a glance from someone will bring back the victim feeling. A rage will grow inside the person as they feel the need to prove themselves. Men will feel like they have become women and will start cross dressing and/or will become homosexuals, or they will fight this urge by going against anything that makes them feel feminine or will go from one extreme to the other. I have noticed that women will start trying to dress unattractive or they may become super sexual. Some become so repulsed to sex that they seek to find intimate relationships with other women (or lesbianism).
A sexually abused person will often have flashbacks and relive the attack if they seek to make love to someone else. They may find sex unfulfilling or make what seems as strange requests to their mate as they try to find sexual fulfillment. This can hurt a relationship.
So, what is a person to do? In my opinion, the first and most important thing to do is to go honestly to God about what you are going through. He already knows what has happened and what everyone is feeling. As bad as this is to us, to Him it is as simple as a skinned knee from riding a bicycle. He created sex for us. He basically told Adam and Eve in the Garden to go and have sex and don't stop until there is not enough room for someone to be born. So, sex is gift that God has given to us and He can repair any damage that we have received from others.
Secondly forgive yourself. You were the victim and not the pervert. Be honest to yourself about what has happened and how it has affected you.
Third, talk to someone about it. Especially talk to the person who you love about it and how it affects you. If you can, find someone else that will give you a safe place to share. Now safe does not mean nice as this will be hard at times, but they will be honest with you and will not exploit you. A trained professional may be good, but I have seen people with counseling degrees from a seminary who actually just made things worse than what they were.
This may be a cliche, but the best thing that I have found in overcoming this is to live loved and love others. When you truly love someone, the focus is on them and not yourself and that can overcome a lot.
Well, those are my thoughts and you are welcome to share yours also.
This is Jay not Jarrod. It won't let me put my name.
ReplyDeleteThere is no relationship between homosexuality and CSA (Child Sexual Abuse). It's just a myth that either all homosexuals have been molested during their childhood or the CSA offenders are homosexuals. In fact it is a complete misrepresentation and over generalization of a few research works being negatively propagated by those sections of society who consider homosexuality a moral perversion while completely overlooking the bundle of scientific and alternative religious scholarship that considers it a natural phenomenon. By relating homosexuality to CSA, they are actually trying to develop a case against both gays and lesbians in civil rights battles. It's important to keep in mind that homosexuals feel attraction towards the same sex adults; unlike pedophiles who feel attraction towards children or minors. Therefore, it is not homosexuals who are responsible for the abuse, but rather pedophiles who are attracted to children and have decided to abuse them. --Article from OPPRSM
I am not saying that all homosexuals have been sexually abused. I am also not saying that all people who have been sexually abused become homosexuals. I was trying to bring out that some also become homophobic. I do believe however that some people that have been sexually abused do go on to homosexual behavior. One thing that I did fail to mention that I should have is that some who have been sexually abused become pedophiles themselves.
ReplyDeleteDennis, I think you make a good point in saying that one of the ways to overcome this is to love another and that helps you to love yourself, if I understood you correctly. You do have the opportunity to take attention off yourself by focusing on the other person and that does help but you must deal with the underlying problem also. If that loved one can help you through that process all the better. Many people go through life with out ever dealing with the actual problem and that can lead to problems of all sorts. Not only with sexual abuse but other types of abuse and neglect. I have a very close loved one who has had to deal with this and they are very private and I just try to always be available to talk when they need to and be a confidant when they need one. Hopefully by doing this at some point they will feel comfortable to discuss this private matter. Therapists should be equiped on how to deal with this and when a person comes to them ready to deal with it they should help them through it. Hopefully, this is not a problem you see often with therapists.
ReplyDeleteDennis, I would like to add that there is scientific proof that physical issues do sometimes cause homosexuality you are correct in saying that sometimes the experience that children recieve can cause reactions to a persons sexual identification as you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jay and Kathy for your posts. I guess a better way of putting it may be that if you are in a loving relationship with someone then your focus will be on their needs, and their focus will be on your needs. You love for them will take your mind off of it and also will help break through the walls that you have put up. Their love for you will help you deal with it and maybe also help to redeem you. That is what I was thinking anyway.
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